Halloween Halloween

He laughed. In a way that men seldom do. Nervous and confessional. A little bit exposed. Tugging on the hem of his costume. Debating which he needed most. Needle, thread or both.

The dragon and the ninja might look similar, but they are anything, but the same. Some dreams are easier to remember. Others we wish we could forget. 

The dead rarely wear masks. But sex is all about costumes. Not so much what fits. More about  we can squeeze into. How uncomfortable we’re willing to be to perpetuate the illusion. 

that we only look and act like this on Halloween. taht we’re not always lost. and horny. and desperate. 

sad super heroes with so many holes in our capes.

He drinks her blood. In eager gulps. Ravenous with hunger. He fucks her. Because her costumes demands antipathy. The astute arrogance of seasoned victims. the color of her cunt changes. a kaliedoscope of pussy. swirling and folding in endless repetitions. the deaf singing.

he writes in ink. the words trembling as he recalls she once did. filled with the fantasy of his dick. discarding the masks for the floor to resolve. only to find more under those taken off.

faces pretending. the abysss’s bottom is to be reached. cunts yawning for cock. in these costumes of affection. Cold is the enemy. Cold still is the lover.

Halloween comes and let’s us try. Costumes try us on. But we fail to fit them. It all goes away. Because we let it. Because these diguises are pathetic.

One Halloween when I was around 12 years old, me and my friend Maria were trick or treating in the condo development where we lived at the time. I can’t recall what our costumes were that year. She might’ve been a hobo. Hobo was popular amongst me and my friends during our childhood in the eighties. Hobo was the easiest to create, spur of the moment, absolutely no planning required Halloween costume. A pair of raggedy old jeans, a frayed flannel shirt from dad, maybe an old hat. Rub some dirt on your face and you’re good to go.

I think I was a construction worker. Another spectacularly easy to throw together last minute costume. A pair of old overalls, some hiking boots, dad’s tool belt and a hard hat if you’ve got it. The hard hat isn’t not required, but is a nice touch.

Anyway, it was October 31 and me and my childhood friend Maria were trick or treating. Just the two of us. Actually I believe it was in the sister condo down the road and not the one where we lived. It was still early, but we were doing okay candy-wise.

At one house we came across a guy walking into his house with boxes in his arms. Trick or treat we said to him as he walked by us. He put the box down inside his door and asked, ‘Is it Halloween?’ Yes it is we said. Trick or treat. He was a young guy. Twenty something maybe. Single. Just moving in to the neighborhood. He didn’t have any candy or treats he told us. But he did have a big case of cans of Pepsi cola. So he opened the case and handed us each a cold can of soda.

It seems strange to me now, but back then, for some reason both me and my friend were positively ecstatic about this. As if we’d never had soda before. We thought this was the coolest guy ever and that Pepsi was the greatest halloween treat since reese’s peanut butter cups. Maybe we were really thirsty at the time, though I doubt it. I guess it was just the novelty of it and the thoughtfulness of the guy to trouble himself to give of something.

Yet another Halloween miracle.

Cuddly puppies. Sexy kittens. Clucking chickens. Animal costumes are nothing new. Parents do seem to enjoy a little too much if you ask me, dressing their offspring up as four legged, furry and/or feathery things. Adults and teens also like to don various mammalian costumes of the non-human variety. People love animals and evidently they loving being animals too.

It’s no wonder. Animals are inherently cute. In youth and in old age. They don’t tend to get ugly and wrinkly like we homosapiens do. They just stay cute throughout their whole entire cute little lives. It’s that cute.

Me… I don’t care for cute. Cute is highly overrated. Icky and gross has a lot to offer. People don’t realize that, but it’s true. Sometimes. Especially during Halloween, you need a costume that isn’t cute. You may even need a furry animal costume that isn’t cute. That can be difficult to find. But I’m here to help.

The rat costume. Perfect for when you’re just plain sick and tired of cute. Any time you want to scare some small children and old ladies. And for when you’re attending congressional sessions.

Do you like boobies? Of course. No one doesn’t like boobs. They’re awesome. Do you like Halloween? Of course you do. Everyone likes Halloween. It’s the best. Now, imagine if we could combine these two fabulous things into one super duper expialidocious force of nature.

Well, thanx to the marvels of modern technology and our patented space age polymers now you CAN!

Behold the giant boobie halloween costume.
It makes you look just like the real thing. Complete with aerola and nipple. Grab a friend and be a complete pair of boobs. Or go solo. Even one boob is better than no boobs.

And if that isn’t enough to make for the best halloween ever… wait there’s more.

Our engineers have been working very hard. And after years of grueling research and testing they’ve finally perfected what heretofore many of the great minds of our time (including Einstein) thought undeniableyimpossible. But we would not give up hope. And finally our presistance has been rewarded.

The penis costume and the vagina costume are real and they are spectacular! Have a look for yourself. They are a thing of beauty. They are a miracle. And they can be yours! But only if you act quickly. Hurry. Once word of this gets out they’ll be gone before you know it and we’ve lost the secret forumla. So they may never be again.

Happy Halloween Weenies!!!!

Get your groove back on. Embrace the stop motion animation within.Be big and green and made of clay. Isn’t that what Halloween is all about?

Gumby and all his clay pals were on television for over 35 years. Gumby is a timeless and beloved pop-culture character who has been referenced by countless tv shows and movies. The most famous Gumby citation of all being Eddie Murphy’s comic portrayal of Gumby on Saturday Night Live and his oft uttered catchprhase, ‘I’m Gumby, Damn it!’

Gumby makes a super Halloween costume. It’s fun, nostalgic and yet somehow still trendy. So be Gumby Damn It! and have a happy and retro halloween.

Just beware for blockheads.

It just occured to me that there are no Smurfs Halloween costumes available to purchase in the world. What a sad, sad world it is that we live in. That such timeless and profound characters are overlooked as retail Halloween costumes. If this doesn’t prove there is no god I don’t know what does.

I mean the Smurfs! Come on. How can there not be Smurf costumes? How? Why? Is this the work of Dick Cheney. It must be. No one else could be this evil. He still has plenty of power. Evil never really loses its power. It just makes you think that it has. I hear Obama is courting congress on the absense of Smurfs costumes matter, but as usual, he is meeting with great resistance to positive change. Our elected officials are failing us once again.

If you google for Smurf costumes you will find sites with helpful tips on how to make your very own home-grown smurf costume. That however, is of no use to those of us entirely too lazy to do such things.

The world need ready-made, commercially available, full on Smurfs Halloween costumes and it needs them now. Please help the cause by mentioning the current catasphoric lack of Smurfs costumes on any forum site and message board you frequent. And do spread the word for our plight.

Smurfs! This is serious. We have to stop Gargamel before Halloween is ruined for everyone.

I’ve been wondering this for a long time, but have never actually bothered to check. Apparently Iron Man the super hero came first in 1963. While Black Sabbath’s song Iron Man did not arrive until 1970. See, for the longest time as a teen I always labored under the delusion that the comic book hero was created because of the song. Apparently they have nothing to with each other and the comic book hero came prior to the song. Once again, thank you wiki for spreading the free knowledge.

I enjoyed the first Iron Man movie very much. Oddly, I like when there’s lots of techno babble in my super hero movies. I guess it helps me to digest the illusion better. I also like it when my super heroes are super smart. Smart is sexy. The semi-retarded robot arm thing was a great comic nuance.

As  far as super heroes and their movies go Iron Man is a pretty darn good one on both counts. Not quite Batman caliber, but a bunch better than Spider-Man. Imagine I will and am looking forward to be a great many Iron Men (big and small) this Halloween.

I’d be even more impressed to see some Iron Man’s semi-retarded robot arm thing sidekick costumes, but that is not bloody likely.

Dio. Man. You gotta love him. If you love any form of rock n roll or metal he’s one of the guys who helped pave the way. Not to mention the fact that he single-handedly made dragons and rainbows something special. He’s a workhorse too. Still churning out some pretty good rock music after all these years.

Why am I blogging about Dio. Fuck. I don’t need a reason. Just the fact that Ronnie James Dio exists is reason enough. Halloween and Christmas always make me think of him more. Play his music more. The monsters. The magic. The dreams. They just fit the mood. 

I imagine a lot of true Dio fans aren’t youngster anymore. Not by a long shot. A lot of them are probably parents to children of their own. Plenty more are likely grandparents by now. But that doesn’t mean we can just forget such a grand and influencial artist as RJD. We can still pay homage to him come Halloween even if we don’t wear the costumes ourselves. Easy enough. Just dress your kids or grandkids up. They’ll never suspect when you dress your baby in this adorable Dragon costume that you’re secretly smiling about Dio’s Murray the Dragon mascot. Same holds true for this baby rainbow outfit, elf and the spider. Each are obvious references to Dio to those in the know, but are simply adorable Halloween costumes to the rest of the world.

Add a little magica to your Halloween and your kids with these ‘Invisible’ Dio costumes. Dream Evil and let your Sunset Superman fly. Make sure your kids are Rock n Roll children this Halloween.

I just recently saw the movie Terminator Salvation. I have previously seen the original Terminator once and T2 twice. I really liked Terminator 2. It was good movie fun. Lots of action. Never a dull moment. I don’t particularly like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Don’t hate him or anything. Just republicans… bah. But a role like this is perfect for him. Emotionless, heartless, unstoppable machine. It doesn’t actually require him to act. He just has to be himself. So I really enjoyed T2. Very good popcorn movie.

Terminator Salvation on the other hand I didn’t really enjoy at all. The irony being I like Christian Bale very much as an actor. He was fantabulous in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. I also quite enjoyed him in the Machinist. But this movie was a convoluted, uninteresting mess. I totally didn’t care whether John Connor or any of the other humans lived or died. The only likable character was guy who didn’t know he was part cyborg. Somehow Mr. Half-Man/Half-Machine dude was way more human than any of the supposed actually humans.

I blame the directors and/or producers. Whose names I don’t recall. But they just made Christian Bale/John Connor too dour. I found it impossible to feel any feel empathy or sympathy for the character. If your audience doesn’t love your hero your movie is going to be mediocre at best.

Also, what really irritated me was what I see as a MAJOR discrepency. Terminator Salvation was intended as a prequel. It was set in a time period prior to the other movies. 2018 or something like that. Yet the machines were bigger, badder and harder to kill than we know from the hypothetical future. It just didn’t make sense.

What did you think of Terminator Salvation? Am I nitpicking too much. Or do you agree that it could have been waaayy better than it was.